Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
