we're blogging at a bar
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
