this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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