You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
