hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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