I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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