her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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