We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
