just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
