we have officially lost it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
