I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I don't deserve a penis
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
