woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
