After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
