someone threw a dead crab at me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
