Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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