My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
