they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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