No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
