What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
