dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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