I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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