i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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