"it" just moved
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize