She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
