I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
