I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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