SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
