Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
