Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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