Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
