Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
