she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
