No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
