Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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