Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
