Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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