just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
