Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
