it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
