wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
