i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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