My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize