Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
