As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
