the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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