Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
