I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
