Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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