I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
