no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
