I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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