then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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