I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
