I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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