never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
