no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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