Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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