Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
