Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
