Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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