I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
