he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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