i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
