that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
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