Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
