Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
