the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize